Halloween PUNishment

How can you slay a vampire?
      Put a bunch of reindeer in front of him. (Scot Nelson)

Martha Stewart just can't seem to stay out of trouble. Federal investigators looking through her kitchen came across an entire storeroom full of MacIntoshes. When questioned about this cache she'd stashed, she was hard pressed to give a logical answer. Now she's being charged with what?
      In-cider trading (Paul Croft)

                  JEST FOR KIDS

Where does Dracula water ski?
      In Lake Erie, off course. (Norman Gilbert)

Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
      It was his bat. (C C Jokes)

What do you call your girl-friend if she becomes a deer whenever there is a full moon?
      A Were-doe (Stan Kegel)

What did the momma ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
      Buckle your sheet belt . (Ernie)

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
      Day scare centers.  (Clynch Varnadore)

What happens when you fail to pay your exorcist?
      You get repossessed (Lederer & Swanson).

Why did the spider buy a car?
      He wanted to take it for a spin  (Daily Groaner)

Why did the chicken sit on the ax?
      To try and hatchet.  (Daily Groaner)

What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The others are weekdays. (Christopher, 11)

What do Unicorns call their father?
      "Pop" corn. (William Brabant)

What Is the obvious phrase for donating your body to a medical school?
      A Dead Give-away  (Stan Kegel)

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
      He is mist.   (Trinitty)

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by it's diameter?
      Pumpkin Pi. (Norman Gilbert)

What do you get if you cross a mad scientist with another mad scientist?
      A horrible par a dox (Gary Hallock)

How do you make a milkshake?
      You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"  (C C Jokes)

I think our school is haunted. The principal is always talking about the school spirit. (Gina)

What do little ghosts drink?
      Evaporated milk.   (Daily Groaner)

What's frightening and stuck on the end of your arm?
      A terror wrist.  (Daily Groaner)

What is the study of shopping called?
      Buy-ology (Rachel, 8)

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
      Because they don't have any body to go out with... (Jackie Holle)

What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
      Tombstones (Bill Stubbins)

When he was a teenager, why didn't the invisible man hang out with his friends?
      Too much disappear pressure (Gary Hallock)

What do you get if you leave a pile of bones in the sun?
      A Skele-tan.   (Daily Groaner)

What game did the ghost play with the kid?
      Peek-a boo (Ann, 8)

The first haunted house open to the public had 20 scream doors. (Daryl Stout)

What's the best way to talk to a Martian?
      Long distance! (Andrea)

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
(Jokes4U)

Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
      Because his heart wasn’t in it. (Christine, 10)

Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to arrive?
      Because they only run a skeleton service. (Cassie, 9)

People who play the stock market get happy on halloween. Why?
      Its ticker treat night!
  (Louise & Mike Gourdoux)

What do you call a merry-go-round for ghosts?
      A Scare-ousel (Stan Kegel)

Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
      It was his bat. (C C Jokes)

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
      No body.  (Clynch Varnadore)

What do you say when you meet a 3 headed monster?
      Hello, Hello, Hello  (Daily Groaner)

The mummy asked his maker, 'How do I exist?'
      The answer: Just be gauze  (Gary Hallock)

Who delivers spooks' mail?
      The U.S. Ghostal Service   (Cynthia MacGregor)


Who was the most famous ghost detective?
      Sherlock Moans (Trinitty)

What is Transylvania?
      Dracula's terror-tory (Jeff P. Symonds)

Why was the student vampire tired in the morning?
      Because he was up all night studying for his blood test!
                (Tom & Carrol)

How do ghosts get through locked doors?
      They use skeleton keys  (Marsha Coleman)

Why don't mummies go on vacations?
      Because they might relax and unwind!! (The Daily Joke)

What is a hot and noisy duck?
      A firequacker. (Alan, 8)

Why was the elephant fired from the circus?
      Because he kept throwing his weight around (Lederer & Entner)

What is a mosquito's favorite sport?
      Skin diving (LAB Riddles)

Why are cards like wolves?
      Because they belong to a pack.
                 (Stan Kegel)

What do you call a exam given to a criminal?
      A con-test  (Susie Mundy)

Why didn't the man believe what the sardine said?
      It sounded too fishy. (Archives)

Why did the police dog like to stay home in bed?
      Because he was an undercover agent (Lederer & Entner)

What is the difference between a dog with rabies and a hot dog?
      One bites the hand that feeds it; the other feeds the hand that bites it. (Jeff Rovin)

What can jump higher than a house?
      Anything. Houses can’t jump
                (Daily Groaner)

What do baby sweet potatoes sleep in?
      Their yammies.  (Daily Groaner)

Why couldn’t they sell soda pop at the doubleheader?
      Because the home team lost the opener. (Tei, 8)

What kind of birds are most frequently found in captivity?
      Jailbirds (LOL Riddles)