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Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, September 19, 2019
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Tale of the Two Brooms
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Saturday, February 11, 2012
Marriage Gone Bad
A man was speeding in his brand new Porsche. He was driving over 110 MPH. He see's a cop car catching up to him with the lights and siren going. He decides to try and out run him. He steps on the gas and speeds away only to run into some road construction where he is forced to stop. The officer gets out if his car and approaches the man in the Porsche.
"Sir, I'm at the end of my shift. If you can give me a reason for trying to outrun me that I haven't already heard, I'll let you go."
The man thinks for a moment.
"My wife left me for a cop. I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer went back to his car and drove off.
"Sir, I'm at the end of my shift. If you can give me a reason for trying to outrun me that I haven't already heard, I'll let you go."
The man thinks for a moment.
"My wife left me for a cop. I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer went back to his car and drove off.
Monday, December 12, 2011
First Kiss
At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"
"No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"NO, no. I just can't."
"Pleeeeease?..."
Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"
"No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"NO, no. I just can't."
"Pleeeeease?..."
Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"
Communication
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening."
"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening."
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Happy Halloween!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and
after a while they got to know each other so
well, they decided to get married.
after a while they got to know each other so
well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom,
the other the groom broom.
the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her
white dress. The groom broom was handsome
and suave in his tuxedo.
white dress. The groom broom was handsome
and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the
bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
"I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!"
bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
"I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!"
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"
Are you ready for this?
We think she's been
Sweeping Around!
.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Fast Thinker
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!"
The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. . .
Bob has been missing since Friday!
The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. . .
Bob has been missing since Friday!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Why I call him honey
An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.
The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old buzzard what his name is.'
While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.
The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old buzzard what his name is.'
Friday, July 29, 2011
Relative of Yours?
A husband and wife drove a long way in silence following a terrible argument in which neither would budge. The husband eventually pointed to a mule in a pasture and asked: "relative of yours?" "Yes", she replied, "By marriage".
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Wedding Anniversary
Happy Anniversary to Dustin & Quinn Rayner.
It was their second anniversary, and the husband sent his wife flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. She was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
*******
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for the terrible mistake that happened fifty years ago..."
*******
A man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel #5 for his wife for their anniversary.
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."
*******
I hope that you will all forgive me for sending out a message today that is more personal than usual. I know that many of you are going through (or have gone through) a divorce, and my heart breaks for you. There are many others of you who are single -- some content with the blessing of singleness, and others crushed with feelings of loneliness.
But, this day, this day is wedding anniversary for Dustin & Quinn Rayner. Two truly special people. Thank God for them and the love they share.
"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth." (Prov. 5:18)
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband...." (Prov. 12:4)
It was their second anniversary, and the husband sent his wife flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. She was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
*******
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for the terrible mistake that happened fifty years ago..."
*******
A man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel #5 for his wife for their anniversary.
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."
*******
I hope that you will all forgive me for sending out a message today that is more personal than usual. I know that many of you are going through (or have gone through) a divorce, and my heart breaks for you. There are many others of you who are single -- some content with the blessing of singleness, and others crushed with feelings of loneliness.
But, this day, this day is wedding anniversary for Dustin & Quinn Rayner. Two truly special people. Thank God for them and the love they share.
"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth." (Prov. 5:18)
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband...." (Prov. 12:4)
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Marriage
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married in the U.S. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
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