Note in Jacket

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At Fred's funeral, as he was finishing the eulogy, the preacher realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he had worn to the hospital. He said to the mourners, "You know, Fred handed me a note just before he passed away. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.

He opened the note, and read, "Step back -- you're standing on my oxygen tube!

Funeral Cookies

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral."

A Saint by Comparison

Greg Asimakoupoulos tells the story about two brothers had terrorized a small town for decades. They were unfaithful to their wives, abusive to their children, and dishonest in business. The younger brother died unexpectedly. The surviving brother went to the preacher of the local church. "I'd like you to conduct my brother's funeral," he said, "but it's important to me that during the service, you tell everyone my brother was a saint."

"But he was far from that," the minister countered. The wealthy brother pulled out his checkbook. "Preacher, I'm prepared to give $100,000 to your church. All I'm asking is that you publicly state that my brother was a saint." On the day of the funeral, the minister began his eulogy this way. "Everyone here knows that the deceased was a wicked man, a womanizer, and a drunk. He terrorized his employees and cheated on his taxes." Then he paused. "But as evil and sinful as this man was, compared to his older brother, he was a saint!"

A Free Super Bowl Ticket

A man receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.

Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter he notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man replies "No."

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1942."

"Well, that's terribly sad. But still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"

"No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."