Miss Someone?

Dust

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the preacher greets the family.

"Preacher," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust."

"That's right, Johnny, I did."

"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust."

"Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?"

"Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"

Money

There was a man who had worked hard all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to money. When he became ill and knew he was dying he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife." His wife gave her promise that when he died, she would put all his money into the casket with him.


A week later he died. On the day of her husband’s funeral his wife was sitting next to her best friend and just before the undertaker closed the casket she called out “Please, Wait a minute!” walked over to the casket and placed a small brass finished box inside.


The undertaker then locked the casket down and rolled it away. The next day her friend came around to visit and said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all of his money in the casket." “I promised.” The widow replied “I'm a good Christian and I couldn't lie I promised him I would put all of his money into the casket with him, so I did.”

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in that casket with him?" "Yes” said his wife . "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check, I thought if he can cash it he can spend it”

Lighted Casket

I've got tears running down my face.
Lighted Casket

Browsing Old Cemeteries

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the Car was on the way down. It was.

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In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no Place to go.

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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The Good Die Young.

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In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

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In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, And The Lord sent them manna.

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Clark Wallace Wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.

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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon him For not rising.

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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

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In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

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In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went Out of tune.

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Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

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On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

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In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent.
Until I know which way you went.