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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Church Football

Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Halftime - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

Bench-warmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything at all but sit.

Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be put in the collection plate.

Two-Minute Warning - The point at which you realize the service is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Instant Replay - When the preacher loses his notes and falls back to using last week's sermon.

Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes into "overtime".

Trap - You're called on to lead the next prayer and are asleep.

End Run - Getting out of church quickly, without speaking to any guest or fellow members.

Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

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