1989 Radio Shack Cellular Phone Commercial

Computer Help

Awesome

And make sure you look at the last one!!   And My Favorite........ I love Gods' sense of humor, too   A smile from God! One in a million shot Send God's smile to someone

Incredible ... You Won't Believe This..............

This is incredible.... YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS .... See if you can do this accurately. Read all the Numbers slowly and in Order Be Careful not to MISS ANY 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Scroll down ........................... It's so easy to amuse Seniors TOMORROW I'LL SEND YOU THE ABC's

Christmas Request

Ushers

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

Microphone

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Leaf

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

3 Hims

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

Prayer

Memo: New Prayer Policy
To: All His Children

When God created Adam and Eve, it was quite easy for Him to stay in close communication with his children. However, in light of this last century’s population explosion, Heaven has found it necessary to employ a new communication system. From this point forward, when you pray to Heaven, please be prepared to go through the follow phone tree...

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all others


If all lines are busy, you will hear:

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1

Jesus, press 2

The Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his or her social security # followed by the pound sign. If you can not find your party, please hang up and try area code 666.

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3:16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life on other planets, etc., please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and try your call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.



======= Ponderings of the day =======

How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

When sign makers go on strike, what do they write on their signs?

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

======= ======= ======= =======


Give away God’s word with a mouse click. Please visit “The Bible Site” at:

http://www.thebiblesite.org/

TOP TEN THANKSGIVING-THEMED MOVIES

10. "To Kill A Walking Bird"
9.  "My Best Friend's Dressing"
8.  "The Texas Coleslaw Massacre"
7.  "Casserolablanca"
6.  "Silence of the Yams"
5.  "I Know What You Ate Last Winter"
4.  "White Meat Can't Jump"
3.  "All the President's Menu"
2.  "When Harry Met Salad"
AND THE NUMBER ONE THANKSGIVING-THEMED MOVIE?
1.  "The Wing and I"

HOW TO OBSERVE THANKSGIVING

• Count your blessings instead of your crosses.
• Count your gains instead of your losses.
• Count your joys instead of your woes.
• Count your friends instead of your foes.
• Count your smiles instead of your tears.
• Count your courage instead of your fears.
• Count your full years instead of your lean.
• Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
• Count your health instead of your wealth.
• Count on God instead of yourself.

Rafting

Bungy Jumping

Don't send a man to the grocery store

For all Jeanne Robertson's "bestest" friends!

Jeanne Robertson - NEW! 7/12 Sleeping in Tubes (aka: Don't ask Left Bra...