Off-the-church-walls

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

Pinterest Pins

Follow the link

https://www.pinterest.com/kevin_rayner/humor/

Friday, April 03, 2015

14 Signs You're Getting Older...

1. You're obsessed with the weather and constantly check the forecast. (Yip)

2. You purchase shoes that velcro instead of shoelaces. (Nope)

3. You start obsessing with picking up pecans and fighting the squirrels to get them. (Nope)

4. You constantly use the phrase, "you know, when I was a kid," to your own kids. (Yip)

5. You purchase a Buick. (Nope)

6. Staying home sounds like more fun than going out. (Yip)

7. You begin to discuss your bowel frequency with others. (Nope)

8. Bran Flakes becomes your favorite cereal. (Nope)

9. You wake up early on days you could sleep in. (Yip)

10. When you think driving the speed limit is going way TOO fast. (Getting there)

11. You grow hair better on your eyebrows than you do on your head. (Getting there)

12. You have a pair of readers in every car and by every chair. (Yip)

13. Your new favorite Bible translation is Large Print. (Yip)

14. You're choosing Seinfeld reruns over the new shows on television. (Yip)

Can you think of others??

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Texting Codes for Seniors...............

Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).

Not to be outdone long-suffering (we) seniors have their own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Jeanne Robertson - Bama's Rebuttal to Auburn's "Second" Chance

Jeanne Robertson | Don't Ask, He'll Tell

Monday, February 02, 2015

Hold My Quarter

Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Do you read your Bible every day?"

She nodded her head, "Yes."

"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes."

With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?"

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Compensation

A man tells about his brother who was on a plane that had taken off and was approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came on the public-address system. She announced that she was sorry, but the plane's restroom was out of order.

The flight attendant went on to apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she finished cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served."