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http://www.thejesustv.com/main/media/4766/The_Mississippi_Squirell_Revival_-_FUNNY/
or
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
IRS - Honestly
A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 and Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man who had recently become a Christian wrote the following letter to the IRS:
"I have been unable to sleep, knowing I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income last year and have enclosed a check for $1,150. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."
"I have been unable to sleep, knowing I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income last year and have enclosed a check for $1,150. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Listen
Listen !
Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me.
He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and."
After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?"
"Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me.
He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and."
After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?"
"Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
Why God Created Children
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN
(AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students..
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
"DON'T! "
"Don't what ?"
Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students..
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
"DON'T! "
"Don't what ?"
Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"
" No Way !"
"Yes way!"
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"
" No Way !"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!"
said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? "
God asked.
"Uh huh,"
Adam replied.
said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? "
God asked.
"Uh huh,"
Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "
said the Father.
"I don't know,"
said Eve.
"She started it! "
Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
said the Father.
"I don't know,"
said Eve.
"She started it! "
Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom
and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
First, watch what you say and do around children - you never know when children might be listening or watching (or maybe even spying)
Second, be nice to your kids. One
day, believe it or not, you will cherish the
fleeting moments that become memories
(Sean Isaacs - Age 8)
. . . . besides, they get to pick out
your nursing home when you are old
your nursing home when you are old
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND
"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!
Now quick,
send this on to ten people
within the next five minutes.
Nothing will happen if you don't,
but if you do,
ten people will be laughing
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