Bulletin Bloopers

Love those Church Ladies.. They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. ------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

Cajon Logic

Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read:

"Da End is Near.
Turn Yo Sef 'Roun Now
Afore It Be Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious nuts!'

From the curve they heard screeching tires, a big splash and then silence....

Boudreaux turns to Thibodaux and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should jussay.....'Bridge Out?'

Day Light Saving Time

"Only the Government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket."

Visa or Mastercard?

Visa or Mastercard?

Our friends were ready to go to Italy as missionaries, but were waiting for their visas. As the waiting period grew longer and longer, they enlisted the prayers of their Christian friends. Our ten-year-old neighbor boy offered what he innocently thought was a logical alternative. "Why don't they try MasterCard?" he asked.



Placed by the Hiltons?

One day in junior church, I taught about Gideon. The following Sunday, for the sake of review, I asked who remembered last week's Bible hero. No hands went up. "Okay," I said. "I'll give you a clue: he fought a battle using only lamps, pitchers, and trumpets." Still no response. "Maybe you remember how he used a fleece to learn God's will," I said. Ten little blank faces stared at me. "One final clue," I pleaded. "There are people today with the same name as our hero, who go around hotels putting Bibles in the rooms." Finally an eager 8-year-old boy shot up his hand and said, "Oh! Oh! It was Hilton!"