Just Imagine
A sure-fire way to fix America’s financial dilemma - the irresponsible spending in Washington D.C.
If Washington’s high-rollers would take a lesson from God’s word on fiscal responsibility and apply basic Christian teaching to the national debt we could be debt free instead of heading for a bankrupt nation!
Consider the following letter:
Dear Mr. President, Please find below my suggestion for fixing America’s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan.
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations.
1. They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - unemployment fixed!
2. They MUST buy a new American Car. Forty million cars ordered - auto industry fixed!
3. They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed! It can’t get any easier than that!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Sitter
I like the explanation one little boy gave as to why Mary and Joseph took the baby Jesus to Egypt. "They couldn't get a sitter," he concluded.
Kevin
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
Kevin
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
Hushers
HUSHERS
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
Kevin Rayner
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
Kevin Rayner
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
Listen!
Listen!
Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me.
He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and."
After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?"
"Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
Kevin
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me.
He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and."
After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?"
"Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
Kevin
http://hcoct.org/minister.html
Whatever God Wants He Can Take
Money
My Uncle Wayne told me this one.
A priest, minister and rabbi were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections.
Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to God.
The minister explains: "I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands outside the circle, I give to God."
The priest then adds: "I use a similar method, except that whatever lands in the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs."
The rabbi then proclaims: "I use the same method, as well. Except, that when I toss the money in the air, and I figure that whatever God wants He can take."
My Uncle Wayne told me this one.
A priest, minister and rabbi were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections.
Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to God.
The minister explains: "I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands outside the circle, I give to God."
The priest then adds: "I use a similar method, except that whatever lands in the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs."
The rabbi then proclaims: "I use the same method, as well. Except, that when I toss the money in the air, and I figure that whatever God wants He can take."
College Student and Money
A kid called up his Mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, o.k." responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy???"
"Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"
"Uhh, oh yeah, o.k." responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy???"
"Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"
The Preacher And The Song Leader
The Preacher and The Minister of Music
There was a church where the preacher and the song leader were not getting along. This began to spill over into the worship service.
One week the preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service.
The song leader then led the song, I Shall Not Be Moved.
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord.
The song leader then led the song, Jesus Paid It All.
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The song leader then led the song, I Love To Tell The Story.
The preacher became very disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning.
The song leader then led the song, Oh, Why Not Tonight.
As it came to pass, the preacher resigned and the next week. He informed the church that it was Jesus that led him there and it was Jesus that was taking him away.
The song leader then led the song, What A Friend We Have in Jesus.
There was a church where the preacher and the song leader were not getting along. This began to spill over into the worship service.
One week the preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service.
The song leader then led the song, I Shall Not Be Moved.
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord.
The song leader then led the song, Jesus Paid It All.
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The song leader then led the song, I Love To Tell The Story.
The preacher became very disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning.
The song leader then led the song, Oh, Why Not Tonight.
As it came to pass, the preacher resigned and the next week. He informed the church that it was Jesus that led him there and it was Jesus that was taking him away.
The song leader then led the song, What A Friend We Have in Jesus.
THE LAST SIX MONTHS
THE LAST SIX MONTHS
The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical checkup. The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order," make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.
"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law."
Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"
"Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!"
(Boy am I glad & proud to have a great second set of parents in my wife's parents. They are the best!) -- Kevin
The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical checkup. The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order," make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.
"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law."
Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"
"Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!"
(Boy am I glad & proud to have a great second set of parents in my wife's parents. They are the best!) -- Kevin
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