Sunday School

A father asked his son what he had learned in Sunday School.The boy replied, "We learned about how Moses went behind enemy lines to rescue the Jews from the Egyptians. Moses ordered the engineers to build a pontoon bridge. After the people had crossed, he sent bombers back to blow up the bridges and the Egyptian tanks that were following them. And then..."

"Did your teacher really tell it like that?" the father inquired.

The son answered, "No, Dad, but if I told you what he said, you would never believe it!"

Senior Personal Ads

"Senior Personal Ads"

Foxy Lady:
Intriguing, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

Long-Term Commitment:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

Serenity Now:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

Winning Smile:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

Beatles or Stones?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

Memories:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

Mint Condition:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Generous Giving

Generous Giving

The story is told of a farmer who was known for his generous giving, and whose friends could not understand how he could give so much and yet remain so prosperous.

One day a friend said: "We can't understand it. You give far more than any of the rest of us, and yet you always seem to have more to give."

"That's easy to explain," the farmer said. "I keep shoveling into God's bin, and God keeps shoveling back into mine, and God has the bigger shovel."

The Preacher

I Don't Want to Go to Church Today

I Don't Want to Go to Church Today

Early one Sunday morning, a wife went in to wake up her husband.

"Wake up, honey. It's time to go to church!"

"I don't want to go," complained the husband.

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, none of the members listen when I talk, and the elders are mean to me! You give me two reasons why I should go to church."

"Well, for one, it is the right thing to do. And for another, you're the PREACHER!"