BIBLE vs. CELL PHONES
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible Like we treat our Cell phones?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without It?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it as we traveled?
What if we used it in case of an emergency?
What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?
This is something to make you go...hmmm...where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't ever have to worry about our bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Man Named Jed
A MAN NAMED JED
Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,
A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed.
But then one day he was talking to a recruiter,
Who said, "They pay big bucks if ya work on a computer..."
Windows, that is... PC's... Workstations...
Well, the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an Engineer.
The kinfolk said, "Jed, move away from here."
They said, "California is the place ya oughta be,"
So he bought some donuts and he moved to Silicon Valley...
Intel, that is... Pentium ... Big amusement park...
On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube.
Fed him more donuts and sat him at a tube.
They said, "Your project's late, but we know just what to do,
Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you 52!"
OT, that is... Unpaid... Mandatory...
The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad.
Schedules started slipping and some managers were mad.
They called another meeting and decided on a fix.
The answer was simple... "We'll work him sixty-six!"
Tired, that is... Stressed out... No social life...
Months turned to years and his hair was turning gray.
Jed worked very hard while his life slipped away.
Waiting to retire when he turned 64,
Instead he got a call and escorted out the door.
Laid off, that is... De-briefed... Unemployed...
Now the moral of the story is listen to what you're told,
Companies will use you and discard you when you're old.
So gather up your friends and start your own firm,
Beat the competition, watch the bosses squirm.
Millionaires, that is... Bill Gates... Steve Jobs...
Y'all come back now... Ya hear'!
Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,
A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed.
But then one day he was talking to a recruiter,
Who said, "They pay big bucks if ya work on a computer..."
Windows, that is... PC's... Workstations...
Well, the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an Engineer.
The kinfolk said, "Jed, move away from here."
They said, "California is the place ya oughta be,"
So he bought some donuts and he moved to Silicon Valley...
Intel, that is... Pentium ... Big amusement park...
On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube.
Fed him more donuts and sat him at a tube.
They said, "Your project's late, but we know just what to do,
Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you 52!"
OT, that is... Unpaid... Mandatory...
The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad.
Schedules started slipping and some managers were mad.
They called another meeting and decided on a fix.
The answer was simple... "We'll work him sixty-six!"
Tired, that is... Stressed out... No social life...
Months turned to years and his hair was turning gray.
Jed worked very hard while his life slipped away.
Waiting to retire when he turned 64,
Instead he got a call and escorted out the door.
Laid off, that is... De-briefed... Unemployed...
Now the moral of the story is listen to what you're told,
Companies will use you and discard you when you're old.
So gather up your friends and start your own firm,
Beat the competition, watch the bosses squirm.
Millionaires, that is... Bill Gates... Steve Jobs...
Y'all come back now... Ya hear'!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Kids Letters To God
Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. --Ginny =========
Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. --Joyce =========
Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. --Janet =========
Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton-because I hate her. --Denise =========
Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. --Your friend (I am not going to tell you who I am) =========
Dear God, I read the bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. --Love, Alison =========
Dear God, How did you know you were God? --Charlene =========
Dear God, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? --Anita =========
Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. --Nan =========
Dear God, Did you really mean Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You, because if you did then I'm going to fix my brother. --Darla =========
Dear God, I like the story about Chanukah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. --Glenn =========
Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? --Love, Dennis =========
Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? --Nan =========
Dear God, It's o.k. that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes? --Arnold =========
Dear God, In bible times did they really talk that fancy? --Jennifer =========
Dear God, What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything. --Janet =========
Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? --Seymour =========
Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year. --Peter =========
Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. --Larry =========
Dear God, I keep waiting for spring but it never did come yet. Don't forget. --Mark =========
Dear God, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. --Dean =========
Dear God, My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. --Marsha =========
Dear God, If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. --Mickey =========
Dear God, Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through business? --Donny =========
Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on Vacation? --Jane =========
Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. --Sincerely, Donna =========
Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know but I am not just saying that because you are God. --Charles =========
Dear God, It is great the way you always get the Stars in the right places. --Jeff =========
Dear God, I am doing the best I can. --Frank =========
Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was Cool. --Eugene
======= Quote of the day =======
It's funny how when were children, all we want to do is grow up, but when we're older and grown up, we wish the world was as simple and innocent as it were when we were a child.
--Tim Hussar
Kevin Rayner
Tecumseh, OK
Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. --Joyce =========
Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. --Janet =========
Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton-because I hate her. --Denise =========
Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. --Your friend (I am not going to tell you who I am) =========
Dear God, I read the bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. --Love, Alison =========
Dear God, How did you know you were God? --Charlene =========
Dear God, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? --Anita =========
Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. --Nan =========
Dear God, Did you really mean Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You, because if you did then I'm going to fix my brother. --Darla =========
Dear God, I like the story about Chanukah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. --Glenn =========
Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? --Love, Dennis =========
Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? --Nan =========
Dear God, It's o.k. that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes? --Arnold =========
Dear God, In bible times did they really talk that fancy? --Jennifer =========
Dear God, What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything. --Janet =========
Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? --Seymour =========
Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year. --Peter =========
Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. --Larry =========
Dear God, I keep waiting for spring but it never did come yet. Don't forget. --Mark =========
Dear God, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. --Dean =========
Dear God, My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. --Marsha =========
Dear God, If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. --Mickey =========
Dear God, Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through business? --Donny =========
Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on Vacation? --Jane =========
Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. --Sincerely, Donna =========
Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know but I am not just saying that because you are God. --Charles =========
Dear God, It is great the way you always get the Stars in the right places. --Jeff =========
Dear God, I am doing the best I can. --Frank =========
Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was Cool. --Eugene
======= Quote of the day =======
It's funny how when were children, all we want to do is grow up, but when we're older and grown up, we wish the world was as simple and innocent as it were when we were a child.
--Tim Hussar
Kevin Rayner
Tecumseh, OK
Friday, March 31, 2006
Sunday School
A father asked his son what he had learned in Sunday School.The boy replied, "We learned about how Moses went behind enemy lines to rescue the Jews from the Egyptians. Moses ordered the engineers to build a pontoon bridge. After the people had crossed, he sent bombers back to blow up the bridges and the Egyptian tanks that were following them. And then..."
"Did your teacher really tell it like that?" the father inquired.
The son answered, "No, Dad, but if I told you what he said, you would never believe it!"
"Did your teacher really tell it like that?" the father inquired.
The son answered, "No, Dad, but if I told you what he said, you would never believe it!"
Senior Personal Ads
"Senior Personal Ads"
Foxy Lady:
Intriguing, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
Long-Term Commitment:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
Serenity Now:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
Winning Smile:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
Beatles or Stones?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
Memories:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
Mint Condition:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
Generous Giving
Generous Giving
The story is told of a farmer who was known for his generous giving, and whose friends could not understand how he could give so much and yet remain so prosperous.
One day a friend said: "We can't understand it. You give far more than any of the rest of us, and yet you always seem to have more to give."
"That's easy to explain," the farmer said. "I keep shoveling into God's bin, and God keeps shoveling back into mine, and God has the bigger shovel."
The Preacher
I Don't Want to Go to Church Today
I Don't Want to Go to Church Today
Early one Sunday morning, a wife went in to wake up her husband.
"Wake up, honey. It's time to go to church!"
"I don't want to go," complained the husband.
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, none of the members listen when I talk, and the elders are mean to me! You give me two reasons why I should go to church."
"Well, for one, it is the right thing to do. And for another, you're the PREACHER!"
I Don't Want to Go to Church Today
Early one Sunday morning, a wife went in to wake up her husband.
"Wake up, honey. It's time to go to church!"
"I don't want to go," complained the husband.
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, none of the members listen when I talk, and the elders are mean to me! You give me two reasons why I should go to church."
"Well, for one, it is the right thing to do. And for another, you're the PREACHER!"
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