The little boy asked his father, "Daddy, where do I come from?"
The embarrassed father gulped and proceeded to go into a long-winded explanation of the birds, the bees, the stork and anything else he could think of. Finally, the father turned to his son and asked, "Why do you want to know?"
"Oh," he replied, "there's this new kid in the neighborhood and he's from Nashville, and I just wondered where I came from.
Saturday, October 28, 2000
Tuesday, October 24, 2000
How to Annoy Other People
1. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper.
2. In the memo field of all your checks write "terrible service".
3. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go".
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions to "keep them tuned up".
7. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others you "like it that way."
8. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
9. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
10. Honk and wave at strangers.
11. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
12. TYPE ONLY IN UPPER CASE.
13. type only in lower case.
14. Dont use any punctuation either
15. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
16. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
17. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
18. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed up." And repeat.
19. Ask people what gender they are.
20. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
21. Sit in your front yard pointing a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
22. Sing along at the opera.
23. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
24. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles".
25. Tell your friends 5 days prior, that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
26. Send this email to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send things like this.
2. In the memo field of all your checks write "terrible service".
3. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go".
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions to "keep them tuned up".
7. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others you "like it that way."
8. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
9. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
10. Honk and wave at strangers.
11. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
12. TYPE ONLY IN UPPER CASE.
13. type only in lower case.
14. Dont use any punctuation either
15. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
16. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
17. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
18. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed up." And repeat.
19. Ask people what gender they are.
20. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
21. Sit in your front yard pointing a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
22. Sing along at the opera.
23. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
24. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles".
25. Tell your friends 5 days prior, that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
26. Send this email to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send things like this.
Soap Maker
A rabbi and a soap maker went for a walk together. The soap maker said, "what good is religion? Look at all the trouble and misery of the world! Still there, even after years--thousands of years--of teaching about goodness and truth and peace. Still there, after all the prayers and sermons and teachings. If religion is good and true, why should this be?"
The rabbi said nothing. They continued walking until he noticed a child playing in the gutter.
Then the rabbi said, "Look at that child. You say that soap makes people clean, but see the dirt on that youngster. Of what good is soap? With all the soap in the world, over all these years, the child is still filthy. I wonder how effective soap is, after all!"
The soap maker protested. "But, Rabbi, soap cannot do any good unless it is used!"
"Exactly!" replied the rabbi.
The rabbi said nothing. They continued walking until he noticed a child playing in the gutter.
Then the rabbi said, "Look at that child. You say that soap makes people clean, but see the dirt on that youngster. Of what good is soap? With all the soap in the world, over all these years, the child is still filthy. I wonder how effective soap is, after all!"
The soap maker protested. "But, Rabbi, soap cannot do any good unless it is used!"
"Exactly!" replied the rabbi.
Tuesday, October 17, 2000
Sports Teams You are Disappointed In
The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?"
"Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me."
"Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge.
"On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me."
"Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?"
Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
"Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me."
"Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge.
"On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me."
"Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?"
Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
Leaf
Momma, look what I found!
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
Tuesday, October 03, 2000
Good For A Dime
A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church.
As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key."
Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime."
As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key."
Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime."
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