Tennis

Question: Where is tennis mentioned in the Bible?

Answer: "When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court."

Cartwrights

A Sunday school teacher asked little Willie who the first man in the Bible was.

"Hoss," said Willie.


Wrong," said the teacher. "It was Adam."


"Ah, shucks!" Willie replied. "I knew it was one of those Cartwrights."

Church Math

CATHOLIC MATH

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work.

His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before.

This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head. "Well then" , she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?".

Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Preacher

A friend tells about back in the 1930's when his father was a preacher in some mountain communities in western N.C., his dad and mother went to visit a family who lived in a cabin on the side of a mountain. As they started up the long steps to the high front porch, the woman of the house came out of the door, walked across the porch, kicked at the hound dog who was lying at the top of the steps, and said, "Git out, Preacher!" The guy's parents hesitated, but deciding that the woman was actually talking to the dog, and not to them, they went on up the steps.

Later, during the visit, they got up enough courage to ask the woman, "Is your dog named "Preacher?" She replied, "Yes, the neighbors named him that because he ate all their chickens."

SEEING EYE DOGS

There are two guys, one with a Doberman Pincher and one with a Chihuahua.

The guy with the Doberman Pincher says to the guy with the Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman Pincher says, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pincher puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Doberman Pincher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pincher?"

He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're really very good."

The guy at the door says, "Come on in."

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "Why not," so he puts on a pair of dark sunglasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

He says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

Bible by College Students

Top 10 Ways The Bible Would Be Different If It Were Written By College Students

10. Loaves and fishes replaced by pizza and chips.
9. Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
8. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
7. Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's e-mail to the Romans.
6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
5. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
4. Book of Armaments would be in there somewhere.
3. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a freshman.
2. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

Silver

Silver
~~~~~ The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon one day and sat down to drink [a soda] (hey it's my joke!) . After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside !!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know ... you left your Injun running! -Drum sound