Testimony in Court

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ...

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

Good Advice

Good Advice

An Old Farmer's Advice

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge. 

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches  you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Kid President meets the President of the United States of America

If Churches Were Marketed as Breakfast Cereals

Can you imagine what it would be like if churches were marketed as breakfast cereals?

• Post Modern Flakes, I tried these, there were too Sweet and I needed to take Alka-Stetzer
• Frosted Liturgicals, best served chilled with extra trappings
• Reform Church Crunch, now 25% more fortified against change
• Holy Ghost Toasties, a scoop of nuts in every box!
• Cell Church Congra-bits, homemade flavor, less committees
• Cheeful-ios, Popped with psychology and a pat of answers
• Praisin’ Bran, All Hymns for Older Believers
• Multisite-O-Meal, merging with a church near you!
• Sweet-N-Seeker, Flavored with tasty sound bites
• Contempo-Pops, new from HillSong Farms

Okay, just having a little fun there.

Awesome People and Amazing Animals

How Mothers Deliver a Baby from Little Girl's Point of View

Great Life

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter.

The old man says, "I'm a multimillionaire. I have a great big house and the fastest car in the world, and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell."

The young jogger says, "Man, you have everything I have ever dreamed for in my life. What could be so wrong in your life that you are sitting here in the park crying?"

The old man says, "I can't remember where I live."

My Waffle Wedded Wife

Songs through the Years from a Baptist perspective

Songs through the Years from a Baptist perspective

Goodbye Mom

Let this be a lesson to you.

Hope this touches you the way it touched me! 

GOODBYE MOM

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. 

If he stopped, she stopped. 

Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." 

He answered, "That's okay."

She then said, "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." 

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye,Mom." 

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. 

"That comes to $221.85,"said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items." 

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too." 

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker. 

Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!! 

BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LET IN THE "LIGHT"!

Walter Cronkite in the Home Office of 2001 (1967)

Amazing prediction of the future.

HUMOR

For quotes about humor go to my other blog at
http://reallifequotes.blogspot.com/2010/12/humor.html



http://reallifequotes.blogspot.com/2010/12/humor.html

Flowering waterfall!

Wisteria in Japan..

Nature has its own way of expression beyond imagination. Amazing!

SERIOUSLY!!!

Start your weekend laughing…………..