I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace
Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt. You can't fix stupid
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Seatbelt Law
This becomes effective January 1, 2010 in ALL states.
The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct Installation is illustrated below.....
Please pass on to family and friends.THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!
The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct Installation is illustrated below.....
Please pass on to family and friends.THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!
This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%
I KNOW....YOU SMILED.
Twas the month after Christmas
Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
and the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!"
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
and the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!"
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Church Cell Groups
Church Cell Groups
Live, Laugh, and Love! And do all three well!
Latest news reports are that five terrorist cell groups have been operating in many of our churches. They have been identified as: Bin Sleepin, Bin Arguin, Bin Fightin, Bin Complainin, and Bin Missin.
Their leader, Lucifer Bin Workin, trained these groups to destroy the Body of Christ. The plan is to come into the church disguised as Christians and to work within the church to discourage, disrupt, and destroy..
However, there have been reports of a sixth group.
A tiny cell known by the name Bin Prayin is actually the only effective counter terrorism force in the church. Unlike other terrorist cells, the Bin Prayin team does not blend in with whoever and whatever comes along.
Bin Prayin does whatever is needed to uplift and encourage the Body of Christ. We have noticed that the Bin Prayin cell group has different characteristics than the others. They have Bin Watchin, Bin Waitin, Bin Fastin, and Bin Longin for their Master, Jesus Christ to return.
NO CHURCH IS EXEMPT! (However, you can spot them if you bin lookin and bin goin.)
Live, Laugh, and Love! And do all three well!
Latest news reports are that five terrorist cell groups have been operating in many of our churches. They have been identified as: Bin Sleepin, Bin Arguin, Bin Fightin, Bin Complainin, and Bin Missin.
Their leader, Lucifer Bin Workin, trained these groups to destroy the Body of Christ. The plan is to come into the church disguised as Christians and to work within the church to discourage, disrupt, and destroy..
However, there have been reports of a sixth group.
A tiny cell known by the name Bin Prayin is actually the only effective counter terrorism force in the church. Unlike other terrorist cells, the Bin Prayin team does not blend in with whoever and whatever comes along.
Bin Prayin does whatever is needed to uplift and encourage the Body of Christ. We have noticed that the Bin Prayin cell group has different characteristics than the others. They have Bin Watchin, Bin Waitin, Bin Fastin, and Bin Longin for their Master, Jesus Christ to return.
NO CHURCH IS EXEMPT! (However, you can spot them if you bin lookin and bin goin.)
Friday, January 22, 2010
AWESOME ANAGRAMS
AWESOME ANAGRAMS
| | ||
| | This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there is deadly at Scrabble . (Wait till you see the last one)! ****** DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM ****** PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ****** ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER ****** DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT ****** THE EYES: ! When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE ****** GEORGE BUSH : When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE ****** THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS ****** SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ****** ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ****** ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT ****** SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S ****** A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE ****** THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ****** ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE ****** AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law) Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!! DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS | |
HOW BIG IS WAL-MART?
HOW BIG IS WAL-MART?
1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour Of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit Every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more From January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) Than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people And is the largest private employer. And most can't speak English
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company In the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food Than Kroger & Safeway combined, And keep in mind they did this In only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food Than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores In the USA of which 1,906 are SuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year, 7.2 billion different Purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live Within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart
13 Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street
1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour Of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit Every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more From January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) Than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people And is the largest private employer. And most can't speak English
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company In the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food Than Kroger & Safeway combined, And keep in mind they did this In only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food Than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores In the USA of which 1,906 are SuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year, 7.2 billion different Purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live Within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart
13 Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street
Jeff Foxworthy on Oklahoma
This is just as true if you've ever lived in Oklahoma no matter where you live now! This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Oklahoma (which is now celebrating its centennial ).
If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma ..
If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Oklahoma .
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Oklahoma .
If you see a tornado warning on the television but don't get too awfully excited about it until you actually SEE it coming toward you, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Okie friends & others, you definitely live in Oklahoma. We're friendly folks!
Rules of Oklahoma
1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah . . . We don't care what folks in Cincinnati call that stuff they eat . . . IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in the West . . . and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and high school football & basketball is important here and fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so 'Don't Mess with Oklahoma .' If you do, you will get whipped by the best. Oklahoma is the greatest state ever!!
If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma ..
If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Oklahoma .
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Oklahoma .
If you see a tornado warning on the television but don't get too awfully excited about it until you actually SEE it coming toward you, you may live in Oklahoma .
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Okie friends & others, you definitely live in Oklahoma. We're friendly folks!
Rules of Oklahoma
1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah . . . We don't care what folks in Cincinnati call that stuff they eat . . . IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in the West . . . and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and high school football & basketball is important here and fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so 'Don't Mess with Oklahoma .' If you do, you will get whipped by the best. Oklahoma is the greatest state ever!!
THE BASIC RULES
THE BASIC RULES
1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes. Walk thE length of each line with a damp cloth around the line.
2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order and always hang whites with whites and hang them first.
3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders, always by the tail. What would the neighbors think?
4. Wash day on a Monday...........never hang clothes on the weekend or Sunday for heaven's sake!
5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your unmentionables' in the middle.
6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather.....clothes would 'freeze dry.'
7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes. Pins left on the line was 'tacky'.
8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.
9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket and ready to be ironed.
10. IRONED?????????? Well, that's a whole other subject.
A POEM
A clothes line was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the 'fancy sheets'
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the 'company table cloths'
With intricate design.
The line announced a baby's birth
To folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung
So carefully with pride.
The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed
You'd know how much they'd grown.
It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.
It said, 'Gone on vacation now'
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, 'We're back!' when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare.
New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way..
But clotheslines now are of the past
For dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess.
I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line!
1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes. Walk thE length of each line with a damp cloth around the line.
2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order and always hang whites with whites and hang them first.
3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders, always by the tail. What would the neighbors think?
4. Wash day on a Monday...........never hang clothes on the weekend or Sunday for heaven's sake!
5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your unmentionables' in the middle.
6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather.....clothes would 'freeze dry.'
7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes. Pins left on the line was 'tacky'.
8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.
9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket and ready to be ironed.
10. IRONED?????????? Well, that's a whole other subject.
A POEM
A clothes line was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the 'fancy sheets'
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the 'company table cloths'
With intricate design.
The line announced a baby's birth
To folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung
So carefully with pride.
The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed
You'd know how much they'd grown.
It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.
It said, 'Gone on vacation now'
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, 'We're back!' when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare.
New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way..
But clotheslines now are of the past
For dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess.
I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line!
Your House
Your House As Seen By:
Yourself…
Your Buyer…
Your Lender…
Your Appraiser…
Your County Tax Assessor…
If you know who originated this, email me and I will them credit.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Forgetter Be Forgotten?
Forgetter Be Forgotten?
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who was that?
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
CAN YOU RELATE???
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who was that?
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
CAN YOU RELATE???
O x y m o r o n s
O x y m o r o n s
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Drive Safely
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT - - -
Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?
When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror.
The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob from church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat.
This was worse than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow.
Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.
"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this."
"Hello, Jack." No smile.
"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."
"Yeah, I guess."
Bob seemed uncertain. Good.
"I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit just this once." Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight.
Know what I mean?"
"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct."
Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.
"What'd you clock me at?"
"Seventy-one. Would you sit back in your car, please?"
"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with very ticket.
"Please, Jack, in the car."
Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.
The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad.
Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again.
A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand.
Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.
"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.
Bob returned to his car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost?
Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:
"Dear Jack,
Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until heaven before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me.
And be careful. My son is all I have left.
Bob"
Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road.
Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he, too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
Life is precious.
Handle with care.
Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?
When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror.
The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob from church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat.
This was worse than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow.
Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.
"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this."
"Hello, Jack." No smile.
"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."
"Yeah, I guess."
Bob seemed uncertain. Good.
"I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit just this once." Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight.
Know what I mean?"
"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct."
Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.
"What'd you clock me at?"
"Seventy-one. Would you sit back in your car, please?"
"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with very ticket.
"Please, Jack, in the car."
Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.
The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad.
Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again.
A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand.
Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.
"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.
Bob returned to his car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost?
Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:
"Dear Jack,
Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until heaven before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me.
And be careful. My son is all I have left.
Bob"
Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road.
Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he, too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
Life is precious.
Handle with care.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Clip Art for Teaching
Do you need clip art for teaching and preaching.
Go to
http://www.faithclipart.com/
Go to
http://www.faithclipart.com/
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Laugher Really Is the Best Medicine
Laugher Really Is the Best Medicine
It's a well-known saying that may actually be true, according to a number of studies. Evidence suggests laughter is a true health promoter, helping reduce stress, boost your heart rate, increase circulation, and even burn calories.
For example, laughter helps combat stress, which is well-known to decrease immune-system response. Less stress means a better immune system, making your body less prone to infection and disease. Reducing stress levels also makes it easier to fall asleep. Poor and/or inadequate sleep can contribute to a whole host of negative health consequences.
But how could laughter possibly burn calories? It's actually a simple concept, if you think about it: When you laugh, your body moves in various ways; muscles throughout the body stretch and, depending on the strength of the laugh, your abdomen and other areas of the body may even contract repeatedly. That's a workout and a laugh all in one!
It all boils down to finding ways to relax, reduce your stress levels, and enjoy life – a great recipe for a healthy, happy life for you and your whole family.
Share some laughter with others -- tell them about "Off the church walls."
It's a well-known saying that may actually be true, according to a number of studies. Evidence suggests laughter is a true health promoter, helping reduce stress, boost your heart rate, increase circulation, and even burn calories.
For example, laughter helps combat stress, which is well-known to decrease immune-system response. Less stress means a better immune system, making your body less prone to infection and disease. Reducing stress levels also makes it easier to fall asleep. Poor and/or inadequate sleep can contribute to a whole host of negative health consequences.
But how could laughter possibly burn calories? It's actually a simple concept, if you think about it: When you laugh, your body moves in various ways; muscles throughout the body stretch and, depending on the strength of the laugh, your abdomen and other areas of the body may even contract repeatedly. That's a workout and a laugh all in one!
It all boils down to finding ways to relax, reduce your stress levels, and enjoy life – a great recipe for a healthy, happy life for you and your whole family.
Share some laughter with others -- tell them about "Off the church walls."
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